Postal 2

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

You are not alone

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

There's always money in the banana stand

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Found 'em faster than GWB

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

John Rambo'd!

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Ginger Mint

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Ape Gape

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

Dick Message

SCREW that game!

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

Gary vs. The K. Man

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Ladies Love Cake

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Hobo Sexual

PooMasher

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

Ode to Eddings

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.